


This Concerns Me...

by Gang_Aft_Agley



Series: Tumblr Fics [3]
Category: Check Please! (Webcomic), Project Runway (US) RPF
Genre: Gen, Jack Zimmermann Fashion Disaster, M/M, Originally Posted on Tumblr, Tumblr Fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-18
Updated: 2020-03-18
Packaged: 2021-02-28 23:54:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,024
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23205817
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gang_Aft_Agley/pseuds/Gang_Aft_Agley
Summary: Bad Bob Zimmermann is not the only one of Jack's parents with famous friends.
Relationships: Eric "Bitty" Bittle/Jack Zimmermann
Series: Tumblr Fics [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1667320
Comments: 16
Kudos: 134





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [silentawe](https://archiveofourown.org/users/silentawe/gifts).



> Originally Posted on Tumblr 12/10/16 [here.](https://oft-goes-awry.tumblr.com/post/154296494593/this-concerns-me)

There’s a sharp intake of breath behind Jack as he pours coffee, and for a second he thinks it’s Bitty sitting at their kitchen table, the one he’d powered past unseeing in a mindless quest for warmth and caffeine, because even by Canada standards, it is _cold_ outside, and the wind off the river was fierce. But, no, the considered _hmmmmm_ that follows quickly quashes that idea.  
  
“Alicia. You know that I am the _absolutely last_ person in the world to disparage your parenting, the very last. You know that I love your son dearly. But … I’ve seen press pictures, recent ones, and I thought he’d grown out of this!”  
  
His mom laughs (yes, it’s weird having his parents staying with him instead of the other way around, but it’s also pretty great).  
  
“Sadly, no, no, he has not. My child is _all_ Zimmermann when it comes to dressing himself. At least he never went through a mullet phase.”  
  
Jack can’t help but grin into his mug before turning around.  
  
“Hi, Uncle Tim. Good of you to drop by.”  
  
“It’s the last time I’m doing so unannounced if _this_ is what you’ll be wearing,” Tim Gunn huffs; Jack looks himself up and down, but can’t see anything particularly wrong with his attire. _This_ time, anyway.  
  
“I was running?”  
  
“ _Jack. Laurent. Zimmermann_ ,” his mom drawls, and lord, Bitty’s speech patterns are rubbing off on her, too. "It’s not the running clothes, per se. It’s entirely possible to look put-together, or at least neutral and inoffensive, while working out. Most of your teammates manage it on a regular basis. You, on the other hand, are wearing _neon_ yellow sneakers, black tights, green shorts, a Samwell hoodie, and a navy toque.“  
  
"The colorblind man is about to knock over a 7-11,” Uncle Tim adds.  
  
“It’s almost laundry day?” Jack pleads; Tim purses his lips and pushes his glasses a bit further up his nose..  
  
“No excuses, kiddo.” Jack sticks his tongue out, like the five-year-old he was the first time he can remember Uncle Tim, helping his tiny fingers through a Windsor knot before a red carpet event with his parents. “Now, I actually came over to sound you and your mom out about an idea we had for next season, see if you’d be up for it and if you could work it into your..”  
  
“Sweetheart?” Bitty’s voice floats down the hallway from their bedroom, and Jack turns towards the sound without even thinking about it; behind him, Alicia and Tim exchange small, proud smiles. "Have a good run?“  
  
Jack reaches out and pulls his fiance into his side, ignoring Bitty’s squeak of displeasure, and presses a kiss to the top of his head.  
  
"Not bad; bit windy. You should have come with me, Bits.” Bitty wrinkled his nose in disgust, and cuddled a little deeper into Jack’s chest.  
  
“In winter, I will run on treadmills indoors like the Good Lord intended. Oh, don’t forget, we’ve got Lardo’s thing tonight, I’ve laid out a couple of options on the bed for you to pick from.”  
  
“All is explained; I was wondering if you’d hired him a stylist, ‘Lish,” and Jack looks up to see Uncle Tim gesturing at Bitty with his mug. "I’m keeping this one; he’s mine now.“ 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tumblr user nothockeyitsheckey saw the original "This Concerns Me.." and wanted to know:
> 
> okay but what is the idea tim gunn is planning for next season and how does it involve jack??
> 
> Here is my word vomit answer; I've been meaning to polish it up for a few years now, but eh, whatever, it works.

I’m glad you asked!

Many years ago, when I actually watched Project Runway, in college, I remember a challenge where the contestants had to dress each other, and several of them _flipped their shit_ , because they’d never had to do men’s tailoring before.

And then I thought, “Self, how would they handle hockey butts?” (Double entendre very much intended).

Alicia will be a guest judge for this episode, because who do you think has been dressing Bob all these years?

Episode opens with contestants being led into a completely empty ice rink. Tim is on the ice in skates, but still perfectly elegant. Then a whistle blows, and BAM, ice is full of furious hockey players, swatting pucks around and slamming into each other, and Tim is just … serenely skating through, parting the Red Sea level of not getting hit.

“This is whom you will be dressing for the next challenge!”

Of course, there will be a few SMH players, and Falconers, and Kent Parson, because why not.

Chowder does not understand why sharks cannot be part of haute couture.

Someone faints and someone else gets a nosebleed during fittings when the room is full of buff hockey guys stripped to their shorts. At least one designer wants to know if they _have_ to cover them up with clothes, but Tim puts the kibosh on fancy Speedos.

“No, no, I absolutely see where you’re coming from, but I’m afraid that there _has_ to be more to your design than a functional loincloth.”

Extra challenge is dressing Bitty, a) because he has a hockey player’s build, but miniaturized, and b) because he has _opinions_ about fashion.

Kent Parson will _own_ this motherfucking catwalk.

Tater is a huge ham, but _damn_ , does he clean up well. (He’s totally fine with a functional loincloth as the original design. “No, no, I like, is very comfortable.”)

Designers pulling their hair out because, holy cow, it’s like dressing giant hyperactive five-year-olds. Plus, tailoring trousers to fit the butts… not easy.

Alicia is smug. Tim is … less than sympathetic.

“They are not going to chop their flow just because it interferes with your aesthetic. Embrace the mullet, because it’s not going anywhere.”

“Please remember, you are dressing _athletes_ , these garments need to be _flawlessly_ constructed. You cannot just baste them into it and pray, because God will _not_ be listening.”

Which is a hint because SURPRISE CHALLENGE! The boys will have to skate in these garments.

Bitty does a jump and a spin-lutz-axle…thing, and PING, buttons go flying across the rink. Whoops.

(Jack secretly gives _that_ outfit a solid ten).

Alicia is very proud of her son, her strange babby all grown up, scoot scooting down the runway.

Mama Bittle does _not_ know quite where to look when this episode airs, but suddenly hockey popularity takes a HUGE spike all across America.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Originally on Tumblr 1/1/17 [here.](https://oft-goes-awry.tumblr.com/post/155283315193/this-concerns-me)


End file.
